Dragons and Donkeys

Understanding Anger: CBT vs Narrative Therapy Approach with Real Case Scenario

I make myself rich by making my wants few

         Henry David Thoreau

Modern man no longer communicates with the madman . . …  and expels from the memory all those imperfect words, of no fixed syntax, spoken falteringly, in which the exchange, between madness and reason, was carried out. 

Michel Foucalt, 1961, History of Madness

In this article we discuss ways in which different approaches can benefit in defining an issue, taking the example of anger. Anger leads to loss of equanimity.       

The word equanimity comes from Latin roots meaning “even” and “mind”. Holding what passes through your mind in spaciousness to stay in balance, moving beyond the reactive mode is achieved by Equanimity. The chain of expectations, desires, wants, are broken leading to alleviation of suffering. 

The following are some exercises which I have found useful in moving into Equanimity.

Write down ways in which one starts becoming less balanced. 

A written record of the ways in which one starts going into the cycle of expectations, desires, wants, fears, greed, disgust can give a good opening into the habits of the heart and head. One way to sharpen this focus is to read a newspaper/news-site for 15 minutes and keep classifying under the headings of greed, fear, disgust the feelings evoked by the articles.

 Developing Borders and Boundaries:  Remembering Spencer (White, 1984; White, 2007)

Spencer, the young boy who had the issue of soiling (encopresis) was told to characterize in near and particular terms, how this issue is affecting and ruling his life. His parents were told to characterize how this issue rules and ruins their lives. Then Spencer was asked to give a name to this issue of Soiling. He called it Mr. Mischief. They went on to relate to this issue in a particular rather than general manner, and in a near rather than distant way, thus helping define the boundaries and borders of the issue, get a better handle on it and define their relationship to the issue. 

This example of Spencer illustrates how to externalize and objectify an issue which is affecting one’s life, and then create a statement of position map, which can help one create a plan and monitor our process.

Creating personal peace places : Balance of the Lotus

Eastern traditions see the Lotus flower as an embodiment of purity, enlightenment and rebirth. The balance between beauty and adversity are shown in the growth process of the Lotus, as it emerges above mud and water. It symbolizes  harmonious balance between earthly struggles and divine purity.

Nature walks and creating living symbols of these experiences has been a way to enhance balance in my life.

Creating Personal Peace Places: High Park-Toronto, Richard Memorial-Port Credit Misssisauga, Bayview St Augustine Church, Wellington park-Burlington are some of these in my journeys

Case Scenario: Anger seen through different counselling approaches (Narrative/CBT)

Mr. S, presents with anger, which has affected his work, relationships, standing in community

NARRATIVE THERAPY APPROACH

  • Externalize – The history of anger, as if it is a creature outside of oneself waiting to get inside you
  • Therapist Role-is on listening, accepting, non-judgmental, non-confrontational statements..to be like a Junior Partner, Investigative Journalist, 

CONTRAST WITH CBT APPROACH

BASIC ID-

Behaviour- writes angry letters, throws plants 

Affect                feels humiliated 

Sensations        pounding heart

Imagery              sees himself being taken away from grandson

Cognitions          I am a middle aged man who is being deprived of my rights,

                             standing in unfair manner

Interpersonal     angry at wife , sons, in-laws

Drugs                 takes alcohol to drown the pain

BRIEF NOTE ON CBT APPROACH: Using the above BASIC-ID, a CBT oriented approach would see the automatic thoughts, underlying assumptions, core beliefs. We would use the big 4 of CBT of Somatic Quietening, Progressive Muscle relaxation, Guided Imagery, Cognitive Restructuring

See https://www.cma.ca/sites/default/files/hub/STRIVE-Big-4.pdf

NARRATIVE THERAPY approach uses interventions like externalizing, metaphors, mapping to develop a near and particular relation with the issue.

Mr.S went into the history of anger, by asking to see it as a creature outside oneself who is thinking of ways to trick him into losing his calm. 

The Early Years in Canada: Then the Bullied became the Bully

Mr. S told of his early years of immigration from Bombay, India to Canada, how he saw his mother being beaten by his alcoholic father, his being bullied in school. As he became a teenager, he stopped these things as best as he knew. The “Bullied became the Bully”.

The Dragon and the Donkey

On being asked to give a name for Mr. Anger he came up with two metaphors. He first called Mr.Anger the “Dragon”. However, on reflection he said, “If I am still riding this creature and getting taken for a ride in my seventh decade of life, then I am riding a Mr. Donkey”.

FIVE NARRATIVE INTERVENTIONS –  

After establishing rapport, agreeing that anger-related issues are worth exploring and addressing, we set about seeing how Mr. S has constructed his life around anger by

1- Externalizing anger

2- Deconstructing anger narratives

3- Re-authoring personal stories

4- Exploring values and intentions

5-Creating alternative responses

1- Externalizing anger

       Encouraging Mr.S to treat Mr. Anger as a separate entity or character helped distance himself from anger and view it as something outside of his core identity. Be doing this he gained a new perspective on his anger, started seeing how his life would be without anger and create a map to challenge the dominance of anger in his life.

2- Deconstructing anger

         We explored the stories and meanings Mr. S attaches to his anger. Through telling these stories we were able to examine the underlying beliefs, assumptions, and cultural influences that contribute to his anger. For example, as he recalled the weekend discussions which turned into angry arguments in his family of origin, he became clearer about how issues of safety, and the way to deal with un-ease through lashing out or suppressing became a dynamic in his life. This has in different forms played out in his family of creation, and he can now see this pattern even in his interactions with the in-laws of his sons. Deconstruction helped gain insight into the origins and maintenance of anger.

Scripting of the scenarios which continue to trouble him in is life in the present, helped develop alternative interpretations. Through role plays, we started developing better results.We refined these approaches through counselling and keeping an Anger Journal (He called it Riding with Mr.Donkey journal)

3- Reauthoring personal stories: 

The scripts made through externalization,deconstruction tools above helped Mr.S gain the power to rewrite his narratives, explore alternative perspectives and be more aware of how his prejudices and projections are affecting his relationships. New stories began to emerge which offered new ways of understanding and creating his experiences.

Shifting from being defined by anger to seeing himself as capable of change and growth, and being a channel of peace, understanding, and kindness has helped Mr S and his family be very different from where they were a year ago.

4- Exploring values and intentions: 

As Mr.S evolved from a “Head over Water” Survival level recovery to a more wholesome bigger version of himself, he began to examine his values and vulnerabilities, intentions and impact regarding anger. As we explored pivotal life moments, the purpose anger has served in his life, he changed his way of looking at his teenage years, and also his work, family and community. This led to a deeper understanding of his emotional experiences.

 This exploration  paved the way for aligning anger with personal values, he rebuilt his relationship with his estranged wife and children, and has started exploring healthier ways of expressing his needs, feelings, situations and story.

5- Creating alternative responses: 

The list of alternative responses to Mr.Anger (Dragon/Donkey) helped challenge the dominant narrative that aggressive or destructive behaviours result from anger. He started developing new strategies to harness anger constructively. His strengths, resources, alternative stories enabled him to respond to anger in ways more in life with desired outcomes.

Key points and summary

Creating balance through understanding the borders and boundaries of an issue helps one come up with creative ways to enhance life. Through keeping a written record of the way issues like anger speak in one’s life, how they disturb equanimity, we saw two different approaches to this issue- a classic Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT) approach and a Narrative therapy approach (NT). Creating a positive journal of values, symbols and metaphors (Lotus, dragon, donkey, map, territory, journey) helped co-create better life options. 

Exercise

       Do you have an issue which you need to see through a different lens? Write how it has spoken to you in your life and discuss as appropriate. Alternatively, write a letter to the issue.

Art and Personal Peace Places- Art Gallery of Hamilton-February 2017 : As one develops a deeper richer level of life and recovery, going beyond the “Head over water” survival recovery level, one can imbibe richer experiences

References

White, M. (1984). Pseudo-encopresis: From avalanche to victory, from vicious to virtuous cycles. Family Systems Medicine, 2(2), 150–160. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0091651

White, M. (2007). Maps of narrative practice. WW Norton & Company.

Posted in Counselling Blogs | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Alexithymia

Gendered Socialisation

Boys are taught to value and lead to certain parts of them. Girls are taught to do the same but with other parts.Boys were nurtured by their caretaker, till around 4-5 years, and then for fear of being “sissified” they were wrenched away and may even be shamed for showing emotions. 

Schwartz, 2023

In the cultural context of immigrant families in North America, I found many men who are unable to express and explore their emotions.

Case scenario: Relationships, Un-Manliness and Cultural Messaging

 Tanmay (a composite), a 27-year-old graduate student, struggling after the breakup of his second online relationship came to me feeling uncertain, confused and hesitant to restart another relationship. As we went into his family of origin to see for underlying patterns, he told of how his parents stayed in the Middle East before shifting the family to Canada, while the father continued to earn and support the Canadian journey. This is a common theme found in Subcontinent origin families. As we went into the way emotions were expressed (or suppressed) in the family, the dynamic of a long-distance parent, the emotional instability with no proper economic roots in this society came forward.

Themes around “un-manliness” and what it is to be the “typical male” came up.

Terry Real, in his book,  I don’t want to talk about (1998) talked about difficulty with intimacy, workaholism, alcoholism, abusive behaviour and rage as being failed solutions to escape depression.

The Toronto Alexithymia Scale  can get one started on becoming aware of the patterns and messages which one has imbibed

Alexithymia and Immigrant journeys

Coined by Peter Sifneos in 1973, the term comes from Greek roots meaning “no words for emotions.” Alexithymia is often observed in various psychological, medical conditions and in the context of immigrant families can be experienced in varying degrees depending on the level of assimilation, marginalisation, integration and separation. (Akhtar, 2010; Sifneos, 1973)

Therapeutic Process: Third Wave-Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) approaches like Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT) with focus on emotional awareness and expression can be useful in addressing these issues

For example

  1. Journal of Emotions: T was encouraged to keep a journal where he noted daily events and attempted to label his feelings associated with those events.

The story of how emotions were expressed in his family of origin was started by making some jottings on how he remembers his own parents relating to his grandparents. These cultural messages can be more nuanced as we see the effect of immigration and the early years (first three to five years in Canadian society are very difficult, especially for de-credentialied professionals who try to make it through using labour market or delivery jobs)

  1. Mindfulness Practices: Polyvagal theory informed approaches will help tune to one’s internal states, aiding in the recognition of subtle emotional cues.

The polyvagal journal will be aware of the dorsal vagal (freeze), sympathetic (fight , fright) and the ventral vagal (social, tend, befriend) and use this format to be more aware of one’s tendencies (Dana,2020)

HISTORICAL COMMUNITIES: HIGH PARK-TORONTO

Memorial for Portuguese Community of Toronto: Connecting with monuments commemorating the communities is a mindfulness practice which helps us Embody the many different currents which have gone into our making as a city and community

  1. Psychoeducation: Awareness of emotions, their importance, and how to recognize different emotional states in himself and others can lead us to a life of greater connection and fulfilment.
Blue Mountains-Collingwood area-Ontario-2018-May: Walking these landscapes, made me relate to the stories of writers like Alice Munro and Margaret Atwood in a different way. Listening to Kishore Kumar, the lyrics of Anand Bakshi, music of R D Burman has been a part of the connection journeys as an immigrant who first start walks in 1970s-in the Sahyadris of Western India and then the Himalayas of Uttarakhand, Garhwal and Shimla, Himachal Area. Embodying these experiences are part of Mindfulness and Learning to Connect

Mindfulness exercise: If you see the initial 20 seconds of the video a dog started coming aggressively towards me. I have walked different areas (including cemeteries) where I have met many such dogs. And have not met any which has attacked me, as I calmly stand my ground and let them be.

References

Akhtar, S. (2010). Immigration and acculturation: Mourning, adaptation, and the next generation. Jason Aronson.

Dana, D. (2020). Polyvagal exercises for safety and connection: 50 client-centered practices (Norton series on interpersonal neurobiology). WW Norton & Company.

Real, T. (1998). I don’t want to talk about it: Overcoming the secret legacy of male depression. Simon and Schuster.

Schwartz, R. (2023). You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships. Sounds True.

Sifneos, P. E. (1973). The prevalence of ‘alexithymic’ characteristics in psychosomatic patients. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 22(2-6), 255-262.

Posted in life | Leave a comment

Around Canada Day 2024: Scientific Culture and Memories of Ontario Science Centre

Generations of frontal lobes, working in close collaboration, have created culture

Van Der Kolk (2014). The body Keeps the score

Around Canada Day, we went for walks and drives towards Orangeville, in preparation for the G license. As I told my son Sahil to review the drive, the scenic route through Caledon, develop a road memory especially at the curves of the road as we go from 410 North towards 10 North at the edge of Brampton and Caledon, we went through a tool of David Burns (Feeling Good) in which we are to rate our mastery and pleasure on a scale of 10, and then generate a number with specific details of different components. We tried this for the different components of driving and also the scenic route. We remembered journeys on this route in the yesteryears , when we went towards Blue Mountains.

Remembering Ontario Science Centre

Over the years, I’ve visited the Ontario Science Centre (OSC) several times to see the special and permanent exhibits. My first visit was in 2014, when I was taking a manual medicine course at a nearby college. My younger son, Sahil, was studying at Camilla Road School at the time and was about to go to Gordon Graydon. One of my favorite memories from that visit was showing Sahil the different sounds of the forest. Another was making him appreciate a tree system that was part of a Masters thesis and donated to the center in 1971. While standing in front of the tree, I told him that his grandmother had done her Masters in Botany in India in the 1960s. Being from the life sciences, I found the section on the brain and the special exhibitions on different parts of the body and how they adapt to extreme weather and high mountains particularly appealing. The dioramas of immigrant families were especially touching.

SOUNDS OF FORESTS-Ontario Science Centre

Mindfulness and the Forest: Over the years the many special exhibitions developed in us the spirit of science and we spent many hours in these galleries
Roots: a 1971 Masters Thesis project donated to the Science Centre

Rating Mastery and Pleasure: An Application from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (Burns, 1981)

In this method, we break activities into parts and rate how good we are at them or how much pleasure they bring. This cognitive behavioural therapy tool can be used in various situations. For example, we watched “Chandu Champion” again and thought about how different generations have shaped the culture of sports. This reminded us of the 2012 London Olympics, which we attended at Celebration Square in Mississauga. That year, we moved to Canada from India after living in Malta for two years.

Van Der Kolk (2014) in this book -Body Keeps the score writes ” The frontal lobes allow us to plan, reflect, imagine, and play out future scenarios. They help us to predict what will happen if we take one action (like applying for a new job) or neglect another (not paying the rent). They make choices possible and underlie our astonishing creativity. Generations of frontal lobes, working in close collaboration, have created culture, which got us from dug-out canoes, horse-drawn carriages, and letters to jet planes, hybrid cars, and e-mail. They also gave us Noam’s lifesaving trampoline”

Picture from Van Der Kolk (2014) of a five year old’s drawing of what he witnessed in 9/11 at the World Trade Centre attack

Home Library and Journals

Our home library has books on Science and some interesting collections of pictures of scientific exhibits. The Ontario Science Centre gave many such memories. Will miss it.

Do you have a favourite museum or exhibit, which has enhanced your thinking about culture?

References

Burns, D. D. (1981). Feeling good (pp. 131-148). Signet Book.

Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York, 3.

Posted in Art, Monthly Letter | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment